Last Sunday was International Women’s Day. Millions of women got together to support the common cause i.e. to fight for women’s equality in all realms of life.
I want to keep this post short so I’m not going to list the amazing qualities of women and, in particular, those who have suffered to make my life better by refusing to stay in the mould of ‘subservient to the patriarchy, perfectly turned out, never burning the supper or daring to leave the house without make-up’ wife.
I want to talk about the future and the legacy we, who are benefiting massively from their struggle, would hope to leave to the women following us; our daughters, nieces, grand-daughters, god-daughters …
Could I ask you three questions?
Are you still haunted by a comment made to you as a child about your body by someone close to you (I hate to say it, likely to have been your parents and most often your mother)?
Do you criticise your body or food choices openly in front of others, including young women?
Have you ever been surrounded at work, home or regular social events by women talking about the latest diet fad, their weight or their guilt at having had a slice of the cake that someone brought in for their birthday?
I bet we'd all answer 'Yes' to at least 2 out of 3 and probably most of us are at a 3.
The problem is that when we criticise our own bodies, we criticise all women who don’t fit into the supposedly perfect mould, we are saying to the young women within earshot that a body can be ‘not good enough’ and that they too should aspire to unachievable body shapes.
When we take part in repetitive diet and body hating talk we risk trapping ourselves into the never-ending vicious circle of diet, perceived failure and self-loathing.
There is a multi-billion dollar diet industry out there promising to make us healthier and glowing through weight loss. But, if it did what it purports to do, surely it would be out of business by now rather than ever-growing. This industry isn’t about health, it’s about money-making. Its aim is to keep us feeling unsatisfied with ourselves so that we keep coming back for more. And, of course, the media laps it up and bathes us in it.
It’s not we women who are failing, it’s the diet industry, media hype and, dare I say it, frequent stigmatising health campaigns which are failing us. But, because we’ve normalised this ‘truth’ that skinnier is healthier, is better, is morally superior and a sign of good self-control, we submit ourselves to it.
We tell our young women that they can aspire to any job they choose, they can live in any kind of relationship, climb Everest, live independently or stay at home and care for their family. But, if their thighs are too fat or they can’t get back in their skinny jeans and back to work looking immaculate a month after giving birth no-one will believe that they’re really in control of their ‘over-emotional’ female self.
How much time have we wasted in our lives focussing on achieving the impossible and battering our self-esteem? What have we missed out on? We have so many interesting subjects to talk about, so much wisdom to share and kindness to offer. Let’s do some brain ‘life laundry’ and make space for shiny new things that can really move us forward and improve our lives. And it won’t cost a single euro. That way you might have some money left to leave to your daughter who can really make use of it without being shackled by oppressive made up ideas of what a woman should look like. Now that’s an inheritance they’ll thank you for.
A short message to any brave men reading this post. I know you have your own stereotypes to battle with but please don’t think your sons and nephews are immune to the body shaming culture that women have been subjected to for years. It’s coming to a home near you soon. Please be vigilant and kind.